In a dispute, truth is born: is it relevant or not?

[Brother]

Debate, discussion, controversy, dispute, debate, discussion - all these are synonyms of one word "dispute". You've probably noticed that some people often express an ardent desire to argue. Think and remember, is it joy to communicate with such people? Do you want to return to the conversation with them again and again? Rather, your answer will be negative. Why is it so?

Even Lev Nikolaevich Tolstoy noted: “In disputes, the truth is forgotten. The one who is smarter ends the dispute. " It turns out that more than a century ago it was considered senseless and stupid to start a dispute, but this form of discussion has survived to this day. And the reason here lies in the fact that we position the dispute as a way to search for the truth. But, as you know, everyone has their own truth. Does this mean the absolute senselessness of the emerging discussion? Not at all. We often hear about political debates, discussions during scientific meetings, discussions in the course of work in some organizations, etc. Of course, in such situations, one cannot talk about a meaningless conversation, since the results of these discussions become important decisions that help in practice.

Nevertheless, the dispute, which will be discussed below, has the goal of imposing one's opinion, convincing the opponent, defending one's point of view. Let's find out why people generally like to argue. But first, we propose to take a small test and check yourself: how well you understand the topic of communications in general and the topic of disputes in particular.

Reasons for disputes​

Let's highlight several reasons forcing people to constantly prove their point of view:

Low self-esteem​

Really, think: will a self-confident, convinced person argue and prove his point of view? A full-fledged person does not need someone's approval, and also does not seek to impose his position on others, it is enough for her to believe in what she considers right (not to be confused with arrogance and belief in her exclusivity).

Heightened self-esteem​

Yes, right there we will indicate the opposite reason for initiating discussions - too much self-confidence in their beliefs, reaching the level of aggression and active suggestion. Impatience with other people's opinions due to the inadmissibility of alternative points of view is a typical feature of a person with high self-esteem.

Unwillingness to undergo change​

This or that dispute is more aimed at acquiring new knowledge, considering the problem from a different angle, from a different point of view, but not every person is able to perceive information correctly. Generally, people don't like changing the coordinate system they are used to. A person must come to such changes himself. Pushing him to this is a good idea, but not always justified.

Vampirism​

There is nothing mystical here, just some people really need to receive someone else's energy in this way. Taking it away from their opponent, they enjoy the process, using sometimes light tricks and traps. Therefore, be careful, do not fall for simple tricks and stay away from energy vampires who are arguing.

However, despite the above reasons, sometimes even a completely adequate and normal person may have a desire to argue, including in situations where this is not required at all. How do you get rid of this habit?

Learning not to argue​

First you need to realize that often there is nothing constructive and useful in a dispute. In other words, it is completely useless, and here's why: imagine there is a person with an established system of values, with his own view of the world, with his own vision of the situation and understanding of what is happening. And then at some point you appear with the opposite opinion, and you begin to persuade your interlocutor. Naturally, you will cause indignation, your words will seem unnecessary, wrong, destructive.

Understand: if a person wants to reconsider this or that situation, he will come to this on his own and, perhaps, himself will initiate a conversation with you, if you adhere to this new, more correct view. All new ideas, meanings, opinions come to us through awareness, which is achieved after a time, saturated with events, communication, reflections. Perhaps your opponent is not yet ready for this idea, for him it is too innovative and even revolutionary in a sense. Therefore, there is certainly no point in proving it.

Another way to get rid of the desire to argue is to understand that there are no right and wrong, because life is too multifaceted. If you prove to your conversation partner that the Universe has developed in accordance with the Big Bang theory, and he is convinced of the theological concept of the development of living things, then your discussion is useless, not only because you cannot be persuaded due to your commitment to your views, but also because that there is simply no answer to this question. Think about it, all the unanswered questions are, as a rule, the subject of a dispute. But the point is that there is no single correct answer! This means that there will be no conclusion from the dispute, at least reasonable.

The information that the dispute is an empty pastime is presented in an accessible, interesting and metaphorical way in the video below:

Understand also that a dispute is, as a rule, a procedure containing a combination of negative emotions such as aggression, resentment, anger, anger, indignation, sometimes fear, despair. You can read about the impact of negative emotions on our health in this article.

Let's say you understand that arguing is only to your detriment, but it's like with a sweet thing - "I know that it is harmful, but after all, the infection, pulls ..." If you are still overcome by the desire to argue, well, argue with yourself ! Sit near the mirror or turn on the front camera of your phone, and enjoy ... You start to take out all the ardor and heat on your interlocutor, select arguments, build a logical chain, attack or defend, in general, everything is real. At the same time, check how you look during an argument and decide whether you like it or not. And if you record "mono-debates" on video, you can have a good laugh after the time has passed.

If these methods did not help you, try our online program "Psychic Self-Regulation". In 6 weeks, you will learn how to control your emotions, deal with stress, and certainly get rid of the habit of arguing.

And yet we hope that you have accepted the fact that arguing is practically useless and, in fact, a waste of time. Further, we recommend that you isolate yourself from people who want to constantly argue. How do you recognize them? It turns out that there are specific “signals” that suggest that there is a person nearby who is not opposed to spending time on an argument. Let's take a look at these characteristics.

Signs of avid debaters​

So, the following features can serve as obvious signals of the danger of a dispute:

Omniscience​

As a rule, people-disputants can find the answer to any question, understand all topics and understand absolutely everything (though not really understanding it). Obviously, a reasonable and adequate person is able to admit his incompetence on some issue, and he knows that it will not be a shame - it is simply impossible to understand everything.

Excessive emotional maintenance of similar thoughts​

Excessive emotionality is another feature of debaters. Obviously, such people have a lot of energy, which they also draw from arguments (think of emotional vampirism). If they hear that someone supports their point of view or expresses a supportive concept, delight and joy overwhelm, enthusiasm is added and a different position is rejected.

Lack of consistency​

Scientific concepts , consistency of arguments, building relationships, etc. - all this is not about disputants. As a rule, in discussions they rely on facts, the consistency and irrefutability of which is difficult to prove, or on their experience, which is similarly difficult to verify.

Unambiguousness and overconfidence​

It implies the impossibility of the existence of another point of view. You see, life is so multifaceted and contradictory that sometimes it is difficult to understand what is true. Sometimes they say about controversy: “talking about one orange slice or another does not mean that you are talking about the whole orange”. Indeed, clinging to some facts, tiny knowledge of any area, it is difficult to imagine how capacious and unexplored the issue under discussion is. Therefore, beware of overly confident people who reject all doubts during discussions.

Undoubtedly, such people still come across on the path of life, they may even be among relatives and friends. To avoid conflicts and quarrels, you need to look for your own approach to everyone. Therefore, we recommend that you take our online program "Best Communication Techniques", where you will get acquainted with the 72 best communication techniques, as a result of which interacting with people will become easier and more fun for you.

Small bonus​

In conclusion, I would like to outline the controversies that have reached the level of the global scientific community and have influenced the life of each of us:

1. Thomas Huxley and Samuel Wilberforce on the theory of Charles Darwin.
2. Alfred Wegener against all (dispute over the existence of one supercontinent Pangea).
3. War of currents by Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla (direct and alternating current).

Dale Carnegie once remarked: “Be able to take the position of another person and understand what he needs, not you. The whole world will be with those who will be able to do this ”. In our opinion, it is more than advisable to rely on the opinion of a psychologist, the author of the concept of conflict-free communication, an orator and a teacher. Of course, we will not argue if your position differs from the one presented by us, because we understand you, respect your point of view, accept the existence of different views - after all, this is the key to success.

We wish you good luck!