For many years I didn’t know how to say no. I was very afraid to refuse others. It seemed to me that if I allowed myself to refuse an answer to the request, they would inevitably be disappointed in me. Friends and acquaintances will stop loving me.
And so it happened! When I made up my mind and began to say “no” to friends and acquaintances, readers and colleagues ... MANY IN ME WAS DISAPPOINTED. SOME REALLY LOVED ME.
I was not afraid in vain.
Nobody likes to be refused. You just can't believe how much you can get angry with someone who violates your plans, refuses your offers, in general, says “no” to you.
This is understandable. I also get angry when they refuse me. We love to get what we ask for. We love when we are given what we hint at, what we demand.
This is how we are made.
But the fact is that I don't have enough strength to satisfy absolutely everyone: emotionally and physically. I cannot endlessly give what is asked for. I can’t always agree to everyone.
Perhaps you too.
I tried to be good and agree while I was strong. But I didn't do it. People wanted more and more. No one is able to respect my boundaries if I do not show where they go.
This is how we are made.
So I decided to say no.
Many people have dropped out of my social circle over time. They were angry at my intractability and acted as if I owed them something.
I thought, okay.
Of course I was upset! But I was comforted by the fact that some acquaintances and friends did not leave me. These wonderful people decided to love me anyway. Even if I don't devote all my time to them. They stayed. Despite the fact that from time to time we heard “no”.
These are the closest and dearest people to me. There are fewer of them than before, but they are closer and more important. These people are like my current life: healthy, reasonable and meaningful.
Sometimes they also say no to me. And I continue to love them. Even, maybe, more than before, because I admire their ability to defend their borders.
Elizabeth Gilbert. No!
© Carrie Hilgert
And so it happened! When I made up my mind and began to say “no” to friends and acquaintances, readers and colleagues ... MANY IN ME WAS DISAPPOINTED. SOME REALLY LOVED ME.
I was not afraid in vain.
Nobody likes to be refused. You just can't believe how much you can get angry with someone who violates your plans, refuses your offers, in general, says “no” to you.
This is understandable. I also get angry when they refuse me. We love to get what we ask for. We love when we are given what we hint at, what we demand.
This is how we are made.
But the fact is that I don't have enough strength to satisfy absolutely everyone: emotionally and physically. I cannot endlessly give what is asked for. I can’t always agree to everyone.
Perhaps you too.
I tried to be good and agree while I was strong. But I didn't do it. People wanted more and more. No one is able to respect my boundaries if I do not show where they go.
This is how we are made.
So I decided to say no.
Many people have dropped out of my social circle over time. They were angry at my intractability and acted as if I owed them something.
I thought, okay.
Of course I was upset! But I was comforted by the fact that some acquaintances and friends did not leave me. These wonderful people decided to love me anyway. Even if I don't devote all my time to them. They stayed. Despite the fact that from time to time we heard “no”.
These are the closest and dearest people to me. There are fewer of them than before, but they are closer and more important. These people are like my current life: healthy, reasonable and meaningful.
Sometimes they also say no to me. And I continue to love them. Even, maybe, more than before, because I admire their ability to defend their borders.
Elizabeth Gilbert. No!
© Carrie Hilgert
